Random thoughts

Just before I started writing this article, I got a call from my mother asking me how am fairing with school. Well, as every one else would say, I replied I was fine. Genuinely speaking, I’m not! I’m tired, stressed and passionate to make this life better. I understand that this can’t be a single man’s Job, but am lazy, meaning taking shortcuts is my way of doing things. I want to leap frog 20 years ahead. I want to have a kind of wisdom that only a 80 year old me would have. I want to learn everything in this World. I want to be exposed to the darkest of secrets in this planet and yes I want to remain Young and naive and innocent.

This is my aspiration. I aspire to intelligence and am motivated by the need to think Differently. On 31st December 2018,I gave Christ a Chance. Days after that I got a revelation, a need to lead;that said I launched my Gubernatorial candidacy awareness. Three months down the line, I’ve been exposed to so many challenges and insights one being the need to think Differently. It was a lot to take in the first four weeks, but now it’s become my daily cup of coffee. I find reading and waking up and listening to Ted enjoyable. Even during my full time daily Job, I find myself listening to podcast along side my daily tasks. I have laid my hands on three issues of the End of and frankly speaking am proud of the aisle 2019 is taking me on.

But here is the sad part, exposure to so much knowledge opens your mind to things you’d rather not know. It opens your heart to hatred and anguish. It makes you cry sometimes. You feel a huge burden to make the knowledge you’ve learnt into use but still at the end of the day you feel like you haven’t done enough. Witnessing ordinary citizens getting manipulated and brainwashed by governments, Politicians, religious organizations and corporations is heartbreaking. On the silence of my midnight rest on the bed, all I agonize and crack my head about is what more can I do. Was launching my candidacy the wisest choice? What if it’s not in line with God’s calling? What if God wanted me to be something else? Am never sure, no one , not even the articles, books and the websites I read can give me that answer. That answer can only be found deep inside my heart.

Mother’s love

What a journey it has been, I can’t imagine two decades have just passed and yet her unceasing love has not decreased a dime. In fact compared to my younger years, I feel that love more now than ever. There are some days I acted stupid, somedays I didn’t accord her the respected she needed. Do you know how I felt on those days? I felt pathetic, I felt lost, I felt unworthy of love and I found it hard to say sorry for all the wrongs I did.

The journey is still crystal clear in my memory. It was   the year 2006 and it’s the year she shaped the man I am today. It was on this year that she took me on more than 10 trips. Memorable of which was to my grandmother. As any other young person would feel, I was extremely happy. That night I didn’t even sleep well. And the day before I cleaned my best travel outfit. On the D-day, we woke up pretty early than usual, we cleaned up and set off to the road to board a matatu. By then we didn’t have the cosy matatu we have nowadays. They were old, rugged, piled up and slow. To reach grandma, we had to board three of these. On our last ride we just had to sit in the boot of a old fashion probox car. The roads were dusty then and with a light shower, the roads could flood a lot.

But as a child I didn’t feel much, all I wanted was to reach grandma’s place and have fun and fun it was for the one week I was there. We pruned trees together, went to the local market together, cooked together, fetch water together and she told me very many stories about how she grew up, cultural stories and how the men of her time were so different from us. She even taught me how to eat because trust me as a child, I was the weakest thing you could think of. She’s long gone now and her spirit lives on in my mum because she’s no different from her, they both look alike and my mum also love telling me stories even at this old age.

It’s an art I would one day like to pass on to my kids, just as my mum have passed them on to me. She’s the most hardworking person I know. Despite not having much education, that woman have supported us all the way. Just a small scale cereal seller in one small market back in Siaya. Yet she paid for my education and still pays for my rent and still insists that I should go back to school and pursue masters. I want to continue learning but I fear for her, I fear for her sacrifice. I ask myself where will you get that kind of cash? But her response has always been the same-I worship an awesome God in heaven. And her God really is a God. My mum prays everyday before sleep, she prays for everyone in the family and a great part of my life can be attributed to her prayers.

She taught me that my son no matter what life throws at you, never ever forget the place of God in Your life. She has a habit of making jokes about her life, that one day she’ll be gone and  I’ll need someone to hold on to and when that time comes forget everything I ever taught you but remember there’s a God in heaven. Her prayer made my dad survive TB, made my family survive the worst hunger crisis in our life. A Christmas where the joy of Jesus is celebrated with porridge from morning to evening..

Even in my date life, many of the women I have been serious with reflect at least two of these virtues in my mum and I’d say that it’s not a coincidence but God and Days ahead I’m going to find that woman that portrays the same values that my mother has.

I want to say thank you mum. I want to thank you for teaching me how to stand for my sisters and women. I want to thank you for teaching me humility and compassion. I want to thank you for teaching me hard work and equal treatment of all people under this beautiful planet. I am because you are and you’re because grandma was. And in all these, I thank God for that awesome master plan in Jeremiah 29:11.. Even though she didn’t have an opportunity to see it, I want to tell you that her spirit lives on, her promise and dream is still alive and strong in me.

I may not know much about your mum but with all humility friend, she played a role in you being the person your are now and she deserves to know that. Let’s carry the spirt of our mothers on. Thank you and may the same God who blessed my grandma bless you too.

A shared Humanity and A city in Peril

I have spent my whole life living to meet people’s expectations. In primary school I wanted every teacher to like me, back at home I wanted to be my parents crown jewel, in secondary school I wanted to excel in everything and in campus I’m here for the girls. To some this may seem like a narrow view of living but to me it was part of a long journey to self discovery.

I remember one particular moment where I had to buy a guitar I didn’t know how to play just to please a lady, not to mention a whole bunch of flowers I bought over valentines only for that lady to shut the door in my face. You feel pitty for me? Wait until you see a guy struggle so hard to lift weights, first obvious reason been to better his health but deep down its to please a woman. The things we go through to win the love of our lives. Besides being a dancer, a singer and a photographer, is there some easy way to get laid? It used to be my fantasy sometime back and it continue to be a fantasy for so many people.

Now fast forward to two short years, that messy, desperate and vulnerable me being conquered slowly by the rejuvenated me,so attuned to humanity, filled with compassion and driven by a crazy dream-To change minds, hearts and lives through public service. Going through that experience taught me something I didn’t realize then past the frustration of being rejected, it taught me to develop a thick skin, a strong mental set. It made me understand that not every time will you be accepted, sometimes the rejection will feel so Brutal but also remember that it’s only for a while.

Why I’m I typing? Because that’s the only way I’ve learnt to release the pressure in my heart. Somehow I feel better and peaceful after pouring my heart out in an article. Personally I value peace, something that’s completely contradictory to my heart’s desire, that’s public service. Politics will demand of me to put myself out there, to strike conversations with people I’ve never agreed with before all my life. It will demand of me to rekindle old hatchets. But if that’s all it takes, being messy, attacking and being attacked, then I’m all in. I’m all in in the sense that my attacks will be triggered to magnify compassion, a sense that we are all human beings subject to feel emotional, physiological, psychological and even physical pain. I’m a believer that there’s nothing so urgent than treating other people kindly, especially those that are not worthy of that kindness. Just the sense that we’re all human should make us wake up and go to bed with empathy.

I believe that I’m not in anyway better than the next passer-by along the roadside or even the beggar in the street with both limbs missing. I believe also that nobody is better in anyway than me. I believe in equality of all people:kings and presidents, male and female, kids and adults, gays and lesbians, murders and thieves. We are all equal unless otherwise God rules differently, but no man by whatever standard should look down upon on another.