What are some common forms of sexism that men face ?
Seth Uttley, Writer, bibliophile, autodidact
Updated Aug 3, 2019
I’m a stay at home dad. It was a practical decision that my wife and I made together. I was a musician who started working toward writing and held odd jobs to pay the bills, she got a degree on IT and has a job with benefits. So her income was more stable and I’m, generally, the more patient and intellectual one in the relationship. I’m an emotionally supportive person and it doesn’t exhaust me in the same way it does her to deal with highly emotional children all day. So it all seemed logical and pragmatic to us.
My children both have mild developmental delays so we got them into therapy programs early to mitigate any long term disadvantages that may be caused by these delays. Even though I’m listed as the person to call for my children’s appointment changes, or anything else of that sort, almost everyone calls my wife first. She has to act as a middle man on a regular basis and no matter how often she tells them to make sure I’m the primary number on the account, and to call me, they call her. Mothers usually try to sit as far from me as possible in the waiting rooms at therapy. I often go out to the truck and listen to NPR because they’ll talk to each other but I feel like my presence is making them uncomfortable.
I get asked by women if I’m babysitting on a regular basis. Men tell my wife I’m a deadbeat and try to convince her to leave me for a “real man” who’ll take care of her (of course they almost always mean themselves). I get weird looks at the grocery store on a pretty constant basis. Women will stop and talk to my kids and wave at them but if I do the same many mothers will shield their children from me.
It’s really hard to find groups for stay at home parents when you’re a man, at least in Houston it is. Many groups are all women and they don’t really talk to me while my kids play. I sit silently while my children play with theirs. I did find a group that was more inclusive and it was apparently shocking for them to find out that I’m not just some stereotype incarnate.
I was at a birthday party for a 4 year old a few weeks ago (my oldest son is 4 as well) and a child fell down and got hurt. His mom wasn’t around but we’d been talking earlier and her son kept asking me questions so I knew he responded well to me. Since his mom wasn’t around and none of the other parents were responding I went and scooped the kid up and carried him toward the house where I knew his mom to be. She thanked me for soaking myself (it was a pool party) for her son but all the other parents responded with shock and consternation that I wasn’t his father. The conversation stayed on the subject of my comforting someone else’s kid for a good five minutes, to my great discomfort. I’ve seen women do the same thing at many playgroups and parties so I was baffled, it just seemed like the right thing to do to me and no one else was doing anything at all.
So, I’m not a babysitter, I’m a dad and I love my children just as much as any mom. I’m not a deadbeat, I spend more time with kids than any other father I know and I feed, teach, and clothe them the same as a mother would. My four year old has been reading since he was about 2 1/2, can count to 100, knows basic addition and subtraction, knows his colors and shapes (including rhombi, parallelograms and dodecahedrons); I don’t say this to brag (there’s no guarantee that being ahead now will mean anything later so bragging would be pointless) but to point out that I’m doing my best to prepare them for the world the same as any mother would. I work at it 24/7 the same as mothers have since time immemorial and it’s harder than any paying gig I’ve ever had. The safety of children is more important to me than your comfort with my gender or gender role. I am not less of a parent because I’m a man and I don’t understand how we can bitch about dads that aren’t there for their kids on the one hand and then negatively judge the dads who are there for their kids just because their family didn’t follow traditional gender roles.
Edit: Thank you, everyone, for your positive responses. It really is encouraging and it’s difficult for me to express how much I appreciate the verbal support, words do matter. I went to bed last night with less than 20 upvotes and woke up with about 400, I did not expect that. I’ve never really talked about this stuff (even my wife was only aware of a few of these examples) and it’s nice to feel like I can.
An elephant took a bath in a river and was walking on the road. When it neared a bridge, it saw a pig fully soaked in mud coming from the opposite direction. The elephant quietly moved to one side, allowed the dirty pig to pass and then continued its onward journey.
The unclean pig later spoke to its friends in arrogance, “See how big I am; even the elephant was afraid of me and moved to one side to let me pass”.
On hearing this, some elephants questioned their friend, the reason for its action. Was it out of fear?
The elephant smiled and replied, “I could have easily crushed the pig under my leg, but I was clean and the pig was very dirty. By crushing it, my leg will become dirty and I wanted to avoid it. Hence, I moved aside.”
_This story reveals :_
Realized souls will avoid contact with negativity not out of fear, but out of desire to keep away from impurity though they are strong enough to destroy the impurity.
You need not react to every opinion, every comment, or every situation.
Kick the drama and keep going ahead
Choose your battles wisely… Not everything deserves Ur time and attention.
⬛️ We all have some thing we believe so strongly, that whenever anyone tries to critizes it we can get super defensive. In a way it’s like a religion, our personal religion and funny thing that those claming to be atheists are just as affected as those who believe in god.
Perfectly cool guys can lose their minds and turn into douchebags.
I’ve heard advise from one of the top Russian journalits, one of the ways how not to get triggered:
” Every week you have a conversation with yourself where you make fun of yourself and your deepest values. So the next time someone hits you into what he thinks a soft spot, he’ll find it empty”.
You probably remember reading in school about extraordinary warriors who bravely beat huge armies to defend Greece from terrible Persian. How powerful these soldiers were.
I used to admire Spartans, until I’ve started to read about Socrates.
Today I can clearly say I despise Spartans and their ideals.
In a movie 300 Spartans we were sold a story of the war of freedom against tyranny – it’s a lie. Sparta was tyrant state, that eventually destroyed greatness of Greece, by beating a democratic state – Athens in Peloponnesian War.
Tyrants cannot tolerate democratic neighboring country, the spirit of freedom is highly contagious and undermines their power.
Thousands of years have passed but fight of freedom vs tyranny is still as relevant.
The question is how long can a democracy sustain until it either destroyed by outside tyrannies or turned into tyranny from within?
Whatever happens we must keep eyes open.
We have lost close to half this country’s budget on corruption. It can’t be by coincidence. The country currently is running on deficit. We have lots of unpaid debts. Our economy is at the worst it has ever been since 2013. Our currency is deflating. Unemployment is at its all time high.
Paperwise we have good policies, but in reality none of those booklets of policies are implemented. 30 % of all tenders in national and County government are suppose to be for the youth but what’s the reality? An ordinary youth like you and me can never get their company name passed and if it passes, an audit opinion on your company will never pass. If you’re lucky to have a unique and a creative company name, chances are high that your idea will be sold to a much bigger and capable person or company. Registration itself is tedious.
All these we are witnessing are not by chance.
I believe our politicians deem us to be so stupid that every new dawn we wake up to a new a corruption scandal.
Politics work best when a country is divided. They’re lawyers, psychologist and political scientist. They know how to fake emotions just at the right point to earn your empathy. They know how to by pass laws. For example, in the instance of youth, they’ll use their sons, daughters and cousins who legally fall in the bracket of youth.
How are we going to put to an end to this vice?
First, we can’t afford ignorance, it’s too higher a price for us to pay. Let’s aspire to show our colleagues the right path. Teach them the role of accountability among our politicians and institution. Teach them how to examine issues using the third eye. Teach them that politics has never been about them but about our politicians. That a politician’s family interest will always come ahead of ours and that everything they do is in their best interest.
Second is a call to unity. Why do you think we have corruption exposes and scandals? It’s because they play well in our division. If a corruption graft is related to one of our favourite politician, we’ll put everything in line to defend them even if it’s by our life. It stifles out tribal reasons of our guy being attacked and awakens our need to stand and protect “our own”.
Third is a recognition that the fights we are fighting today is not only for our sake but for our children as well. Our grandparents fought so that we could have the kind of freedom we so now enjoy, and we owe it to our kids to enjoy something we fought for: A corruption free country, a better economy and an indiscriminate country.
I’m conclusion, let’s do everything we can to better this country. Let’s not buy into the idea that politics is dirty and not meant for ladies and women. That’s a sure way of excluding more than half the population on matters and policies that affect us all.
We can do it for us not for them. Just be open to listen, don’t strain yourself by watching news daily. A daily headline is enough.
This question popped up in my mind during my morning breakfast. Grabbing my phone I found 6 phone notifications, 23 chats on WhatsApp,7 messages and 4 Instagram notification. Those are the four apps on my home screen. But then I new question dawned on me.What role does these apps play in shaping my morning routine?
I started by opening my WhatsApp, 20 minutes later am not even done viewing other people’s WhatsApp statuses. Top of my chat list is Phyllis with a medium articles Link about early morning productivity. I click on the link and here I am reading a 10 min read article on medium. Just at the end , another seemingly interesting article is suggested and I click on it and without know am done reading 6 articles as a result of a single link from WhatsApp.
I jump straight to my message app only to be surprised by half a dozen messages from my work colleague reminding me to send a project I was working on over the weekend in half and hour. I quickly skim through my Google drive to find the link to the project and with the help of auto paste app,am referred to Gmail account to send the link. At Gmail,I get a YouTube notification of a new subscriber and boom I’m feeling excited to open my YouTube app to check my subscriber count.
On YouTube, there’s a video recommendation of Selena Gomez new music.Gosh! Neither of these things was in my to do list. It’s been 3 hrs and I haven’t done anything you’d call “productive”
If AI can have such a huge impact on how our life plays out in the morning,how much productive can we be if we have the right apps on our home screen.
Imagine if I had a color note app to remind me of my daily affirmation and probably a Bible app to remind me of the verse of the day. What if I had Evenote to keep me up to date on the daily activities of the day. Would my morning have been a little better?
Being productive isn’t something exclusive to life coaches and the filthy rich out there. It’s something you and I can embrace by the simplest acts like changing the apps on our home screen.
Technology is suppose to make our life better. Applications are suppose to make us enjoy life. But if we allow technology to work against us and not for us, then it’s wise to assume a dangerous tread. And as a wise man once said, “Humans always have a choice” Choose wisely. Start right now my changing those apps in your home screen.