Rape Culture and how we men play a part in it 💯

I acknowledge every woman I meet on the street, or in an elevator, or in a stairway, or wherever, in a way that indicates she’s safe. I want her to feel just as comfortable as if I weren’t there. I accept that any woman I encounter in public doesn’t know me, and thus, all she sees is a man — one who is suddenly near her. I have to keep in mind her sense of space and that my presence might make her feel vulnerable. That’s the key factor — vulnerability.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much of my life feeling vulnerable. I’ve come to learn that women spend most of their social lives with ever-present, unavoidable feelings of vulnerability. Stop and think about that. Imagine always feeling like you could be at risk, like you were living with glass skin.

As modern men we must seek out danger. We choose adventures and extreme sports in order to feel like we’re in jeopardy. We make games of our vulnerability. That’s how differently men see the world from women. (Obviously, stated with full acknowledgment that there’s a vibrant community of extreme athletes that are women, who regularly risk their safety as well. However, women don’t need to engage in adrenalin sports to feel at-risk.)

A woman must consider where she is going, what time of day it is, what time she will arrive at her destination and what time she will leave her destination, what day of the week is it, if she will be left alone at any point … the considerations go on and on because they are far more numerous than you or I can imagine. Honestly, I can’t conceive of having to think that much about what I need to do to protect myself at any given moment in my life. I relish the freedom of getting up and going, day or night, rain or shine, Westside or downtown. As men we can enjoy this particular extreme luxury of movement and freedom of choice. In order to understand rape culture, remember this is a freedom that at least half the population doesn’t enjoy.

Rape prevention is about the fact that a man must understand that saying “no” doesn’t mean “yes,” that when a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond that doesn’t mean “yes,” that being in a relationship doesn’t mean “yes.” Rather than focus on how women can avoid rape, or how rape culture makes an innocent man feel suspect, our focus should be: how do we, as men, stop rapes from occurring, and how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?

Since you are a part of it, you ought to know what rape culture is.

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.

Now that you know what it is, what can you do about rape culture?

Avoid using language that objectifies or degrades women

If a friend says she has been raped, take her seriously and be supportive

Speak out if you hear someone else making an offensive joke or trivializing rape

Think critically about the media’s messages about women, men, relationships, and violence

Be respectful of others’ physical space even in casual situations

Always communicate with sexual partners and do not assume consent

Define your own manhood or womanhood. Do not let stereotypes shape your actions



  1. As much as I can agree with some of this, both have and can be victims of rape. Women more generally yes, but also keep in mind rape is one of the hardest crimes to prove in a court of law. Some of it is because men have been wrongfully convicted of a crime they simply did not do. Women can be, if not more shady than men at times. I have seen many examples of this. One common one is woman get’s drunk, willingly has sex wakes up the next day regrets it and is screaming rape. In a court of law unless blatantly evidence of rape it can be very difficult to tell who is lying and what side is true, because they do have to take both parties involved into consideration. Though women are more likely to be victims of rape, men can and have been as well. Men also deal with their own issues when it comes to certain women. Women far too often use the fact we were born with a vagina and use that against men.
    I personally though a victim of rape, am not a man hater, don’t believe most of them are vile human beings and do not live with such vulnerabilities as you state in this post. Maybe that separates me from the herd of women, I am not sure. If women or most women walk around with such vulnerabilities they can stop playing the victim card, most people are afraid to step outside their home because society is really messed up everywhere right now and women are not the only victim. Both genders I think can be shady, if anything I have a serious problem with is trusting people. Not just men, both women and men in general of any age. I have trust issues but that is another issue all together, but I do try to give everyone the same benefit of the doubt when I meet them or pass a stranger in the street. If anything men are less crazy than women in my experience, no joke. We both deserve the same amount of respect and courtesy though. To say otherwise is not equality. Part of the reason why I don’t support feminism, I support humanity I guess? Or whatever the word would be that means true equality for all humans, gender, race, religion etc.

    Liked by 1 person


    1. Rape isn’t exclusively committed by men. Women aren’t the only victims — men rape men, women rape men — but what makes rape a men’s problem, our problem, is the fact that men commit 99% of reported rapes.

      Liked by 1 person


      1. I understand your point, but I don’t see that stat to be very clear as rape is also one of the most unreported crimes, and I am willing to guess a lot of unreported crimes may be male victims, giving the scenario. Either way we cannot ignore that 1%. Though there is no excuse ever for rape, we need to also educate our women better. Most know their rapists, and get themselves into situations that are entirely avoidable. It is never a women’s fault, but we as women need to take more precautions with our relationships and choices as well. It is not a men’s problem in my honest opinion and it doesn’t automatically label men vile human beings. They deserve a fair chance and judgement the same as anyone else does and that is why I said I don’t fear every man I meet on the streets. Maybe it’s my older age, but most men give off vibes rather they are awful or not very early. Even the most charastmatic men and confident ones can give themselves way with little mistakes in their personality. Hence why women need to be protected and learn how they can protect themselves before it becomes a crime of rape or any act of violence.
        Before you think my opinion is entirely out of wack, I speak from experience and I don’t always fall victim to everything. I got myself in many situations that could have been entirely avoided, I learned from them and stopped playing the victim card rather who’s fault it was it didn’t matter. The fact remains I know now how to keep myself as safe as possible and can avoid said situations. Think my lack of trust even works in my favor in a way. But it is not a thing I just have an issue with men, I just don;t trust humans in general.
        My honest opinion on anything when it comes to rape, violence or whatever awful things we do to one another is rather negative. I have lost most of my faith in humanity and think we entirely suck. lol I LOVE animals because most only kill to truly survive, eat and they do it themselves naturally. Other than that they are pretty loving and compassionate for the most part. But like humans, some animals are also nuts which comes with the act of breeding and you dont always breed the perfect offspring. Other’s can be blamed the way the owners trained them etc. So again humans suck. 😛

        Liked by 1 person


        1. Woooow… Insightful… I agree that both men and women are victims and it’s unfair for one particular gender to be quiet about it. There’s is no shame in reporting a horrible act. In conclusion, it’s safe for both genders to take precautions. And as humans, let’s encourage love and compassion because that’s the best way to make the world better.

          Liked by 1 person


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