Men are coached to behave like jerks, so that they appear to have confidence, while behind-the-scenes, in the murkiest depths of the internet, the same coaches are teaching men that they are beyond hope, that their bodies are wrong and ugly, and that instead of working on themselves, the only way to resolve this is to pretend to be someone they’re not. They prey on men with low confidence and keep them where they are in order to sell courses, books, and ad impressions.
We even associate having a big dick with confidence, as if you could tell by how arrogant a man is the precise measurement of his penis. And “Big Dick Energy” is about arrogance, not confidence. It’s boorish, inappropriate, and uncaring. It’s more about being a big dick than having a big dick.
Have you ever heard it said, when we see an unattractive man with a sexy girlfriend, that “he must have a really big dick”? As if having a giant penis is enough to make up for all those other flaws — when in reality, they probably aren’t seen as flaws at all. And how would she know about his gargantuan cock before they started dating? I know that dick pics are today’s new art form, but they’re usually frowned upon on a Tinder bio. She would at least have had to have had a conversation with him prior to finding out about his enormous package.
We’re all complicit in penis-shaming, height-shaming, ugly-shaming, wealth-shaming, weight-shaming, etc, etc, etc. We’d do well to remove these ideas from our conversations and mental libraries. Their impact is greater than any one of us; they’re ideas that we hold collectively. Just like similar ideas about women are used to keep them in their place; these aspects of men’s personalities, wealth, and bodies can be used to shame and control them.
Women don’t want “bad boys”, but that’s often what they end up getting. They’re not bothered about the size of your cock, although over a certain size can actually be uncomfortable. Anyone, of any size or shape, can be sexy, and it’s all about confidence. Following the rules of “The Game” or the advice dished out by online misogynists, will drain your own confidence, and replace it with an arrogance that might get your foot in the door, but won’t lead to a satisfying relationship.
You can’t buy confidence, although there’s a lot of people selling it. The only way you can get it is by working on yourself, and that’s always going to involve effort, especially if you’re starting from rock bottom. But easy fixes will keep you exactly where you are, and even make things worse as you scare off all the women who might have shown an interest were you not acting like a complete tool. “Bad boys” are a distraction to both men and women; don’t fall for their appeal — it’s all an illusion.